Sticking Point Analysis

Autobiography in Five Chapters

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

Memorial Weekend, Warwick Center, Hosanna Retreat

经常感觉自己不够淡定，快26了，可是我想要的知性，成熟，内敛，都还没有在自己身上看到。

这几个月我一直在想应该怎样拟定自己成长的方向，可面对种种选择，我总是会变懒，没有安全感也没有责任心，以为自己是勇敢的，可也经常逃避许多事。这3天很开心，只是不明白为什么对别人了解得多了，对自己反而越加捉摸不透了呢？

I need a vision.

行到水穷处，坐看云起时

想起王国维的“三境界”说：＂昨夜西风凋碧树，独上高楼，望尽天涯路＂，此第一境也。＂衣带渐宽终不悔，为伊消得人憔悴＂，此第二境也。 “众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在，灯火阑珊处＂，此第三境也”。

望尽天涯路是立志时对未来的憧憬，斯人独憔悴是山穷水尽时的孤独和坚韧，正因为劳其筋骨，苦其心志，至动心忍性，不改初衷，才能在灯火阑珊处，坐看云起，闲对落花。

生活不会欺骗任何人，只是需要付出加倍努力，即使行到水穷处，也甘之若饴。

Floating Feather

“I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.” --- Forrest Gump

Most people believe in one of two predominate philosophies about life:
1. Everything happens for a reason.
2. Things happen by chance; humanity is governed by free will.

Despite of the fact that I don't comprehend why many things happen and cannot see the reasons behind them, I know I’m leaning more towards predestination.

There are also times when life’s happenings make no sense, and times we find ourselves in horrible situations. And we cannot help ask, "Why me?" Been experienced all sorts of pain and suffering, we often struggle with thinking that there is a ‘perfect plan’.

However, I think Forrest Gump is on to something. As simple as his outlook on life may be, it is quite profound.

"Maybe both is happening at the same time."

So maybe it is both. God gave us the freedom to choose, but He did not leave us fully to our desires, instead He is there to direct, and to correct in ways we cannot possibly understand. Maybe it isn't for us to understand, we just have to do our best and trust that God will carry the rest.

It's time to go back to work.

嘿嘿，前段时间有些不自然，现在差不多理清楚了，修了头发，觉得清爽了许多。

工作又开始忙碌起来，据说夏天总是像打仗，不过我心里已经做好准备。哎，每次都是抓这根稻草，不过每次都很管用。

四川汶川地震，好难过。妈妈要我珍惜自己所有的，确实如此，我想我拥有的已经够多，不应该像个孩子一样总是要求更多。心情好的时候让身边的朋友也快乐。

接下来要做事情真的一大堆，慢慢来，认真地一件一件地来。

剪了头发

心情好多了。

她比烟花寂寞

昨晚做了一个奇怪的梦，我辞职，回到父母身边，找了一份乏味得让人麻木的工作。醒来的时候心里觉得恐惧，回过神以后，眼泪流下来。

突然感觉到自己的寂寞。这几天我写了很多字，一直以为把一切埋葬到文字中去，自己和自己便可以相安无事。我也花很多时间看安妮宝贝的书，看到心里绝望，然后就好了。为谁独行于天地间？无处安身。

忙碌的时候我觉得好多了，我又变成一个积极的人，烂掉的是心里的一小块。

幸福的人不远行

和C聊了以后我一直在想，让什么人陪伴在我身边，可以让我做最好的自己。一起成长的我们，是不是最终都会殊途同归，有种＇风景都看透＇的感觉。

又翻到了＜手心空洞＞：听到朋友安定幸福的口吻，突然觉得眼里有了温暖的眼泪。曾经少年时，我们都幻想过自己的生活，和未来的爱情。但是命运给我们的，是我们无法预知的安排。

在哪里才会觉得安全，我总是想到不同的地方旅行，认识新的面孔，充满阳光的问候。我说我觉得自己已经准备好了，但这种想要安定的感觉其实也给我很多不安，也许我最好的状态是一个人的时候，孤独让我觉得安全，我害怕自己总是要求别人无法给我的东西。

Photobooth 注

... and everything that I said was true, as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth.

这是Death Cab for Cutie的Photobooth里的词，那天心里有些微妙的起伏变化，正巧听到这首歌，所以借来用。

这么多年，我看到自己变得直接和决绝，可以彻底断绝和一个人的联系，没有丝毫留恋。我也渐渐发现，有时那是我能给对方的最好的东西。

而那些无法斩断的联系，重复的话题，甚至是相同的句子，自己都觉得面目可憎了，我害怕的是什么呢？为什么我不能做得彻底呢？

当我开始为挂历标注新的符号，我想我一直想要只是一个结果，也许是很简单的一句话，一些真实的东西，可是在他身上我无法得到。但是我不能再继续下去了，４年了，所有的事，都应该过去。

... and everything that I said was true, as the flashes blinded us in the photobooth.