Devotion 4

I always love Philippians 4:10-13,

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Contentment is such an ideal-sounding word. It conjures pictures of peacefulness and calm serenity.

Am I content? YES and NO. I have definitely been there, but only from time to time.

I don’t struggle much with material possessions. My challenge is to accept the fact that my life may not work out the way I thought it should. I grew up with the belief that if I study/work hard and stay out of trouble, I will get ahead in life. Unfortunately it has not always been my experience in real life now.

Yes, I do struggle with challenging situations that haven't improved despite my best efforts. Although I pray for resolutions for difficult conflicts, the reality is, these prayers are not always answered as I hope. Discouragement is there to steal my contentment and peace of mind.

But GODLINESS with CONTENTMENT is great gain. – 1Timothy 6:6

I’m still learning… I think more about how GODLINESS should go with CONTENTMENT to build up the endurance to run the cause. And I’m still learning…

Contentment is within my grasp!

Devotion 3

I came across Romans 7:18-20 as I was preparing for Bible Study, it tells that even if we have the desire to do what is good, we cannot carry it out because of the sins living in us.

There’s always a paradox of our humanness, we are both noble and ignoble, both rational and irrational, both moral and immoral, both creative and destructive, both loving and selfish, both Godlike and bestial… 'WE' are the battleground for the fight between good and evil.

Many times I do struggle to show goodness to the undeserving; it’s hard to be kind to the unkind and generous to the ungrateful. Even if I do, I get discouraged and drained easily, because my heart is not willing, it’s grumbling with discontentment.

We need less of ourselves and more of God. We are called to both self-affirmation and self-denial. Everything in us that is attributable to our creation in the image of God we should gratefully affirm, while everything in us that is attributable to the evil we must resolutely deny.

I realize that all three devotions I’ve written so far are more or less related to Spiritual warfare with our inner being. Indeed, the heart of human problem is the problem of human heart. With less of ourselves there is more of God. I thank the Lord for keep humbling me and encouraging me to fight the good fight.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever. – Psalm 107:1

Devotion 2

One of the speakers of the OCMA Leadership training shared how God stripped off him everything he thought of as his identity and showed him His PACE, PURPOSE and PLAN.

It’s a constant struggle for us to follow God’s PACE without knowing His PURPOSE and PLAN, but He wants to strip off everything else we think of as our identities, so that in the end, when it’s just Him, we'd know His grace is sufficient for you, for His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:8).

This reminds me of the “seed that fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants” (Matthew 13:7). Sometimes the burden of the world is taking such a big part of our lives that it seems that God can no longer be our Provider of peace and patience. Still, He won’t answer all our prayer requests; He wants us to keep the faith for tomorrow.

At today’s sermon, I’m reassured that God is SOVEREIGN, SECURE, SENSITIVE, and SUPERNATURAL. He is always standing and walking by my side, in which my heart takes great delight.

Don’t pray for easy life.
Pray to be a stronger man.
Don’t pray for tasks equal to your powers.
Pray for powers equal your tasks.

Devotion 1

I re-read one letter from Screwtape.

God keeps reminding me how Satan works hard on the disappointment or anticlimax, which is allowed by our Heavenly Father because He wants us to live freely, no matter how much heart pains He experienced in seeing us stumbling, falling, hurting… He wants us to be able to stand up by ourselves, to walk and to run. He knows if we get through these trials, the initial dryness successfully, we will become far less likely to be tempted or attacked, mentally or emotionally, and be able to run with endurance.

God also reminded me that we still bear all types of sinful habits in Satan’s flavor, even when we have an idea of ‘Christians’ in our mind, even when we are worshipping and serving Him. I connect this with one of the symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality – doing for God or for yourself instead of being with God. Some times what we share and pray, even on our knees, about our sinfulness is more like ‘parrot talk’. Other times we say and do things to please the audience, fulfill the duties, win praise, make our credit-balance look favorable… We may then fall into the pitfalls of self-centeredness, judging other people’s spiritual walk, avoiding conflicts…

We all need to invite God to intervene and work on our hearts, because He loves us and knows us better than anyone else does, including ourselves.

今天有点任性

翻了翻两年前的心情，那时跳拉丁舞，很自己。

SH和KC都是带有爵士风格的城市，纯粹，自由，激情，浪漫... 深沉，怀旧。

重读安妮宝贝

有时心里感觉无法解释的浮燥。

重读安妮宝贝，她早期作品里颓废的文字。

＜永远有多远＞，也许我们都在找一种生活，一边往前走着一边心里怅惘。

我是喜欢一个人的，那种可以不开口的自由，可是现在我总是忙碌。安妮说：＇我喜欢脆弱的容易被伤害的心灵，因为有温度。在我的文字里，所有的人都有一张寂寞的脸。寂寞和身边包围的喧嚣无关。＇

我不再感觉脆弱，有时我轻视这种感觉，觉得它很做作，也很奢侈。

每每我体会这种无法被解释的不安，我就会想到安妮和她的文字，会想象出一些相似的轨迹，总觉得生活在别处。

Oh well，我想我是快乐的。在一个热闹的城市里工作，没有想要从事别的职业，很多朋友可以联络和想念，大多数时间感觉沉静及平和。

有时心里感觉无法解释的浮燥，但我很感恩。

三月初

3月了。

有点想家。

依然忙碌，并不是忙得不可开交，只是想要一个周末好好休息，喝很多水，grocery，听听音乐，翻翻闲书，午睡，kiwi+yogurt，拨几个日久生疏的号码。

2月的时候，趁着周末到处跑。走的越远，心里越想家。出国留学，毕业工作，大小城市之间转换生活节奏，也许＇安定＇对我来讲一直是一个陌生的名词。

我不想考虑太多关于今后的事，有点懒吧。阶段性地体验着不同程度的浮燥或不安，但现在的我心里很平静，我想我可以去任何一个地方，也可以回到最初的起点。

早上在电话里告诉妈妈我很想家，她有点怀疑地问我是不是真的。有时她小心翼翼地试探我心里的归属感在哪里，有点难过，只是我自己也觉得迷惘。

不可兼得的幸福，我只能相信God会告诉我该走的路，而我会安心follow。